the resource project
Coping strategies that support healing
Helpful coping strategies that can support healing
Children cope in many different ways. When they are ready, these kinds of responses can help them process what happened, feel safe and reconnect with everyday life.
Talking, when they are ready — sharing thoughts or feelings with a trusted adult, talking about what happened, or expressing confusion.
Expressing emotions — crying, feeling angry, sad, afraid or embarrassed, and having emotional ups and downs.
Seeking safety and comfort — wanting more closeness with caregivers, asking for reassurance, or spending more time with people who feel safe.
Continuing everyday activities, with support — going to school, seeing friends, playing, participating in hobbies or returning to familiar routines.
Asking questions — “Why did this happen?” “Will I be okay?” “What happens now?”
Processing things gradually — talking about pieces of the experience at different times, returning to the subject later, or needing space between conversations.
There is no single “right” way for a child to cope.Some children will want to talk; others may not. The goal is not to push a particular response, but to provide safety, support and opportunities for your child to process things in their own way and at their own pace.
Coping strategies that may interfere with healing
These responses may signal distress and can interfere with healing if they persist without support.
Avoidance or emotional shutdown:
persistent withdrawal from communication or support, particularly when it is causing distress or interfering with everyday life
acting “numb” or detached
avoiding reminders at all costs
use of drugs and/or alcohol.
Self-blame or guilt:
“It was my fault”
“I should have stopped it”
excessive shame or responsibility.
Repetitive trauma play or re-enactment (younger children):
acting out abusive scenarios in play repeatedly
drawing or storytelling that is overly focused on trauma content.
Risk-taking or acting out behaviours:
aggression or defiance
sexualized behaviour that is not age-appropriate
breaking rules or unsafe behaviours.
Withdrawal and isolation:
pulling away from friends and family
losing interest in previously enjoyed activities
spending excessive time alone.
Emotional overwhelm that does not stabilize:
frequent intense panic or distress
difficulty calming even with support
ongoing sleep or appetite disruption
self-harm
suicidal talk.
If your child talks about suicide or you are concerned they may be in immediate danger, seek help right away. In Canada, call or text 9-8-8 for suicide crisis support. Call 911 or go to the nearest emergency department if there is immediate danger.
Please note:
Even “unhelpful” coping responses are often understandable survival strategies. They are not signs that a child is “behaving badly” or “not coping properly.” Instead, they often mean:
The child feels unsafe
The trauma is still highly active emotionally
The child needs additional support and regulation tools
If these responses are persistent, intense or affecting everyday life, professional support can help. A therapist experienced in childhood trauma can support both you and your child.
The Essentials
There is no single “right” way to cope. Children may talk, seek comfort, return to routines, express strong emotions or need time and space.
Follow your child’s pace. Offer opportunities to talk and connect without pressuring them to respond in a particular way.
Difficult behaviours can be coping strategies. Withdrawal, avoidance, anger or acting out may be signs that your child is struggling, not simply “bad behaviour.”
Pay attention to intensity and persistence. If coping responses are ongoing, worsening or interfering with everyday life, additional support may help.
Take safety concerns seriously. Self-harm, suicidal thoughts or immediate safety concerns require prompt professional or emergency support.
for additional reading and listening
This is a block description. To edit, click and type the text or replace it with your own custom content