the resource project
Helpful and Unhelpful Coping Strategies
Helpful Coping Strategies That Support Healing
These responses are generally protective and support emotional processing and recovery over time.
Talking About the Experience (When Ready)- Sharing thoughts or feelings with trusted adults, Asking questions about what happened, Expressing confusion or emotions
Expressing Emotions- Crying, Feeling anger, sadness, fear, or shame, Emotional ups and downs
Seeking Safety and Comfort- Wanting more closeness with caregivers, Asking for reassurance, Increased attachment to safe adults
Continuing Normal Activities (With Support)- Attending school, Engaging in hobbies or play, Maintaining friendships
Asking Questions- “Why did this happen?”, “Will I be okay?”, “What happens now?”
Gradual Processing Over Time- Talking in pieces rather than all at once, Revisiting the topic over time, Needing space between conversations
Coping Strategies That May Interfere With Healing
These responses may signal distress and can interfere with healing if they persist without support.
Avoidance or Emotional Shutdown- Refusing to talk at all (beyond initial stages), Acting “numb” or detached, Avoiding reminders at all costs, Use of drugs and/or alcohol
Self-Blame or Guilt- “It was my fault”, “I should have stopped it”, Excessive shame or responsibility
Repetitive Trauma Play or Re-enactment (Younger Children)- Acting out abusive scenarios in play repeatedly, Drawing or storytelling that is overly focused on trauma content
Risk-Taking or Acting Out Behaviours- Aggression or defiance, Sexualized behaviour that is not age-appropriate, Breaking rules or unsafe behaviours
Withdrawal and Isolation- Pulling away from friends and family, Losing interest in previously enjoyed activities, Spending excessive time alone
Emotional Overwhelm That Does Not Stabilize- Frequent intense panic or distress, Difficulty calming even with support, Ongoing sleep or appetite disruption, Self-harm, Suicidal talk
Please note:
Even “unhelpful” coping responses are often understandable survival strategies. They are not signs that a child is “behaving badly” or “not coping properly.” Instead, they often mean:
The child feels unsafe
The trauma is still highly active emotionally
The child needs additional support and regulation tools
And it is always helpful to seek professional support such as therapy for you and your child.
The following organizations and publications were referenced in the preparation of this information.
BOOST Child & Youth Advocacy Centre. Supporting Children, Youth and Families After Abuse.https://boostforkids.org
Canadian Centre for Child Protection. Resources for Parents and Caregivers.https://www.protectchildren.ca
Centre for Addiction and Mental Health (CAMH). Trauma and Mental Health.https://www.camh.ca
National Child Traumatic Stress Network (NCTSN). Understanding Child Traumatic Stress and Resources for Parents and Caregivers.https://www.nctsn.org
Perry, B. D., & Szalavitz, M. The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog (3rd ed.). Basic Books.
World Health Organization. Responding to Children and Adolescents Who Have Been Sexually Abused.https://www.who.int