the resource project

Helpful and Unhelpful Coping Strategies

Helpful Coping Strategies That Support Healing

These responses are generally protective and support emotional processing and recovery over time.

Talking About the Experience (When Ready)- Sharing thoughts or feelings with trusted adults, Asking questions about what happened, Expressing confusion or emotions

Expressing Emotions- Crying, Feeling anger, sadness, fear, or shame, Emotional ups and downs

Seeking Safety and Comfort- Wanting more closeness with caregivers, Asking for reassurance, Increased attachment to safe adults

Continuing Normal Activities (With Support)- Attending school, Engaging in hobbies or play, Maintaining friendships

Asking Questions- “Why did this happen?”, “Will I be okay?”, “What happens now?”

Gradual Processing Over Time- Talking in pieces rather than all at once, Revisiting the topic over time, Needing space between conversations

Coping Strategies That May Interfere With Healing

These responses may signal distress and can interfere with healing if they persist without support.

Avoidance or Emotional Shutdown- Refusing to talk at all (beyond initial stages), Acting “numb” or detached, Avoiding reminders at all costs, Use of drugs and/or alcohol

Self-Blame or Guilt- “It was my fault”, “I should have stopped it”, Excessive shame or responsibility

Repetitive Trauma Play or Re-enactment (Younger Children)- Acting out abusive scenarios in play repeatedly, Drawing or storytelling that is overly focused on trauma content

Risk-Taking or Acting Out Behaviours- Aggression or defiance, Sexualized behaviour that is not age-appropriate, Breaking rules or unsafe behaviours

Withdrawal and Isolation- Pulling away from friends and family, Losing interest in previously enjoyed activities, Spending excessive time alone

Emotional Overwhelm That Does Not Stabilize- Frequent intense panic or distress, Difficulty calming even with support, Ongoing sleep or appetite disruption, Self-harm, Suicidal talk

Please note:

Even “unhelpful” coping responses are often understandable survival strategies. They are not signs that a child is “behaving badly” or “not coping properly.”  Instead, they often mean:

• The child feels unsafe

• The trauma is still highly active emotionally

• The child needs additional support and regulation tools

And it is always helpful to seek professional support such as therapy for you and your child.

This information reflects current trauma-informed guidance from the Ontario child advocacy centres, the Canadian Centre for Child Protection, BOOST Child & Youth Advocacy Centre, the National Child Traumatic Stress Network, the Ontario Association of Children's Aid Societies, the Canadian Paediatric Society, and peer-reviewed research on child development and recovery following childhood sexual abuse.

For a complete list of sources, websites, organizations and publications referenced in The Resource Project, please go to our section on References.