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Moving Forward Together
Research consistently shows that supportive caregiver responses after a disclosure are among the strongest protective factors in a child's recovery.
No parent responds perfectly after learning that their child may have been sexually abused.
You may feel overwhelmed, frightened, angry, heartbroken, or unsure what to do next. These reactions are normal. What matters most is not having all the answers—it is helping your child feel safe, believed, and supported. Research consistently shows that supportive caregiver responses after a disclosure are among the strongest protective factors in a child's recovery. Children who feel believed, protected, and emotionally supported are more likely to experience better emotional and psychological outcomes over time.
Fortunately, there are simple things you can do that make a meaningful difference.
DO…
Believe Your Child
Most children do not lie about sexual abuse.
Tell them:
"I believe you."
"Thank you for telling me."
"This is not your fault."
Feeling believed helps reduce shame and encourages healing.
Stay Calm
Your child will often look to you to decide whether they are safe.
Even if you feel devastated inside, try to respond with a calm voice and reassuring body language. You can always process your own emotions later with another trusted adult or professional.
Listen More Than You Talk
Allow your child to tell you what they want to share.
Listen carefully.
Avoid interrupting or finishing their sentences.
Silence is okay.
Use Open-Ended Questions
If you need clarification, keep questions simple.
Examples include:
"Can you tell me more?"
"What happened next?"
"Is there anything else you'd like me to know?"
These questions encourage children to speak in their own words.
Tell Your Child They Are Safe
Children often worry the abuse will happen again.
Simple reassurance helps.
Examples include:
"You're safe now."
"I'm here with you."
"We're going to get help."
Keep Daily Routines
As much as possible, continue familiar routines.
School, meals, bedtime, sports, and family traditions help children regain a sense of stability and predictability.
Respect Your Child's Pace
Some children want to talk often.
Others rarely mention what happened.
Both responses can be normal.
Let your child know you are always available without pressuring them to talk.
Seek Trauma-Informed Support
Healing does not happen overnight.
Trauma-informed counselling can help children and families understand their reactions, strengthen coping skills, and support recovery.
Parents often benefit from counselling too.
Take Care of Yourself
Supporting a child through trauma is emotionally demanding.
Eat. Sleep. Accept help.
Talk with a trusted friend, counsellor, or support group.
Looking after yourself helps you remain emotionally available for your child.
DON'T...
Don't Question Your Child Repeatedly
It is natural to want every detail.
However, repeatedly asking questions may increase your child's stress and can unintentionally affect later interviews.
Let trained professionals gather detailed information.
Don't Promise to Keep It Secret
Children often ask adults not to tell anyone.
Instead, say:
"I may need to tell some people whose job is to help keep children safe, but I'll tell only the people who need to know."
Don't Blame Your Child
Never ask questions such as:
"Why didn't you tell me sooner?"
"Why didn't you say no?"
"Why did you go there?"
Children are never responsible for the abuse.
Responsibility always belongs to the person who chose to abuse them.
Don't Minimize What Happened
Avoid saying:
"It wasn't that bad."
"Try not to think about it."
"At least..."
Even well-intentioned comments can make children feel misunderstood or dismissed.
Don't Make Promises You Can't Keep
Avoid saying:
"Everything will be okay."
"I'll make sure they go to jail."
"Nothing will ever happen again."
Instead, focus on what you know:
"I'm going to stay with you."
"We'll get through this together."
Don't Confront the Alleged Offender
Unless advised by police or child protection professionals, avoid confronting the person yourself. Doing so could interfere with an investigation, place your family at risk, or give the individual an opportunity to influence witnesses or destroy evidence.
Don't Speak Negatively About Your Child
Children often overhear conversations. Avoid discussing your child's behaviour, credibility, or emotions where they might hear. Choose supportive language instead.
Don't Force Physical Affection
Even loving touch may feel overwhelming after abuse. Offer hugs or comfort, but respect your child's answer if they decline. Giving children choices helps rebuild their sense of control.
Don't Expect Healing to Follow a Straight Line
Children often have good days and difficult days. Progress may seem to move forward and backward. This is normal. Healing takes time.
Remember
Your child does not need a perfect parent. They need a safe one. They need someone who listens without judgment, believes them without hesitation, protects them without question, and walks beside them through the healing process. Your steady presence, your willingness to learn, and your unconditional love are among the greatest gifts you can offer.
This information reflects current trauma-informed guidance from the Ontario child advocacy centres, the Canadian Centre for Child Protection, BOOST Child & Youth Advocacy Centre, the National Child Traumatic Stress Network, the Ontario Association of Children's Aid Societies, the Canadian Paediatric Society, and peer-reviewed research on child development and recovery following childhood sexual abuse.
The following organizations and publications were referenced in the preparation of this information.
BOOST Child & Youth Advocacy Centre. (n.d.). Resources for Families Following Child Sexual Abuse Disclosure.
https://boostforkids.orgCanadian Centre for Child Protection. (n.d.). Resources for Parents and Caregivers.
https://www.protectchildren.caCanadian Paediatric Society. (2020). The Medical Evaluation of Pre-Pubertal Children with Suspected Sexual Abuse.
https://cps.ca/en/documents/position/the-medical-evaluation-of-pre-pubertal-children-with-suspected-sexual-abuseChild Welfare Information Gateway. (2018). Parenting a Child Who Has Experienced Trauma.
https://www.childwelfare.govNational Child Traumatic Stress Network (NCTSN). (n.d.). Caring for Kids: What Parents Need to Know About Sexual Abuse.
https://www.nctsn.orgNational Child Traumatic Stress Network (NCTSN). (n.d.). Understanding Child Traumatic Stress.
https://www.nctsn.org/what-is-child-traumaOntario Association of Children's Aid Societies (OACAS). (n.d.). Supporting Children, Youth and Families.
https://www.oacas.orgSubstance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA). (2014). SAMHSA's Concept of Trauma and Guidance for a Trauma-Informed Approach.
https://store.samhsa.gov/product/SAMHSA-s-Concept-of-Trauma-and-Guidance-for-a-Trauma-Informed-Approach/SMA14-4884Cohen, J. A., Mannarino, A. P., & Deblinger, E. (2017). Treating Trauma and Traumatic Grief in Children and Adolescents (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.
Deblinger, E., Mannarino, A. P., Cohen, J. A., Runyon, M. K., & Heflin, A. H. (2015). Child Sexual Abuse: A Primer for Treating Children, Adolescents, and Their Nonoffending Parents. Oxford University Press.
Hiller, R. M., Meiser-Stedman, R., Fearon, P., Lobo, S., McKinnon, A., Fraser, A., & Halligan, S. L. (2018). Research Review: Changes in the prevalence and symptom severity of child post-traumatic stress disorder in the year following trauma—a meta-analytic study and the role of parental support.Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry.
Cohen, J. A., Mannarino, A. P., & Murray, L. A. (2011). Trauma-Focused CBT for Youth Who Experience Ongoing Traumas.Child Abuse & Neglect.
Afifi, T. O., MacMillan, H. L., Boyle, M., Taillieu, T., Cheung, K., & Sareen, J. (2014). Child abuse and mental disorders in Canada.Canadian Medical Association Journal.
https://www.cmaj.ca