The Ironwood Project
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Understanding Your Own Trauma


Parents can experience trauma too.  There is a clinical term that researchers increasingly use to describe what happens to parents when their child discloses sexual abuse: secondary traumatization, or vicarious trauma. It is not a metaphor. It is a recognized psychological condition, and understanding it is fundamental to your ability to support your child.

 

A March 2026 study from Bond University found that non-offending parents of children who have experienced sexual abuse frequently develop significant PTSD symptoms, with negative self-compassion, and poor emotion regulation identified as the specific mechanisms that intensify their psychological distress (McGillivray et al., 2026). In plain language: the parents who are hardest on themselves – who feel guilty, responsible, or ashamed – suffer the most, and that suffering has a direct downstream effect on the child they are trying to help.

 

A 2024 scoping review of 26 studies on vicarious trauma identified a concept called "event centrality" as a critical factor in whether a parent experiences traumatization or, remarkably, what researchers call "vicarious posttraumatic growth" (Willcott-Benoit & Cummings, 2024). When a parent allows the abuse to become the central, defining feature of their entire identity, and family narrative – when it becomes the lens through which every moment is interpreted – the risk of debilitating trauma spikes. But parents who find a way to integrate what happened without it consuming everything they are tend to not just survive the experience, but grow through it. That is not a small distinction. It is the difference between a parent who is present and functional for their child, and one who is not.

 

Australian clinical research from 2025 makes this interdependence starkly clear: a child's treatment completion and recovery trajectory is directly influenced by the emotional stability and engagement of the non-offending parent (Chapman et al., 2025). Your healing is not separate from your child's healing. It is part of it. This is not a burden – it is a reason to give yourself permission to seek help.

 

Why Belief Is the Cycle-Breaker

 Before moving to therapeutic pathways, it is worth sitting with a specific set of statistics, because they reframe everything about what you are doing by reading this guide.


Approximately 48.8% of adults who experienced childhood sexual abuse in Quebec waited more than five years before disclosing to anyone.Approximately 34.2% of men never disclosed at all. The most commonly cited reason for delayed or absent disclosure is the fear of not being believed – particularly by a parent or caregiver (Institut national de santé publique du Québec, 2024). 


When a child is met with disbelief, minimization, or pressure to retract their disclosure, the consequences are measurable, and severe. Research confirms that parental minimization and disbelief are primary barriers to survivor recovery, and create the conditions in which victims recant (McPherson et al., 2025). Recantation does not mean the abuse did not happen. It means the child decided the cost of being believed was too high.


You did not make that cost too high. By believing your child, you have interrupted a cycle that has played out in family after family for generations. The research is unambiguous: a believing, supportive parent is one of the most powerful protective factors in a survivor's long-term outcome. That is not a small thing. That is everything.


Caring for Yourself

Supporting a child after sexual abuse can be emotionally exhausting. Consider seeking your own counselling or support. Looking after your own wellbeing helps you remain emotionally available for your child.


Remember- healing is a process, not a single event. With safety, consistent support, and access to appropriate services, many children recover and go on to lead healthy, fulfilling lives. Your belief, protection, and ongoing support are among the most powerful contributors to your child's healing.

Understanding Your Child’s Coping After Sexual Abuse: Healthy vs. Unhelpful Coping Responses

After a child experiences sexual abuse, their emotional and behavioural responses can vary widely. There is no single “right” way for a child to cope. Some reactions may look concerning but are actually adaptive ways of managing overwhelming experiences.





The following organizations and publications were referenced in the preparation of this information.

  • BOOST Child & Youth Advocacy Centre. Supporting Children, Youth and Families After Abuse.https://boostforkids.org

  • Centre for Addiction and Mental Health (CAMH). Trauma and Mental Health.https://www.camh.ca

  • Institut national de santé publique du Québec (INSPQ). Childhood Sexual Abuse and Disclosure.https://www.inspq.qc.ca

  • McGillivray, C., et al. (2026). Secondary Traumatic Stress in Non-Offending Parents Following Child Sexual Abuse Disclosure. Bond University.

  • National Child Traumatic Stress Network (NCTSN). Resources for Parents and Caregivers Following Trauma.https://www.nctsn.org

  • Willcott-Benoit, C., & Cummings, G. G. (2024). Vicarious Trauma and Post-Traumatic Growth Among Caregivers: A Scoping Review.

  • World Health Organization. Responding to Children and Adolescents Who Have Been Sexually Abused.https://www.who.int