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the resource project

What Comes Next? 

How to Support Moving Forward

Research consistently shows that supportive caregiver responses after a disclosure are among the strongest protective factors in a child's recovery.

No parent responds perfectly after learning that their child may have been sexually abused.

You may feel overwhelmed, frightened, angry, heartbroken, or unsure what to do next. These reactions are normal. What matters most is not having all the answers—it is helping your child feel safe, believed, and supported. Research consistently shows that supportive caregiver responses after a disclosure are among the strongest protective factors in a child's recovery. Children who feel believed, protected, and emotionally supported are more likely to experience better emotional and psychological outcomes over time.

Fortunately, there are simple things you can do that make a meaningful difference.

DO…

Believe Your Child

Most children do not lie about sexual abuse.

Tell them:

• "I believe you."

• "Thank you for telling me."

• "This is not your fault."

Feeling believed helps reduce shame and encourages healing.

Stay Calm

• Your child will often look to you to decide whether they are safe

• Even if you feel devastated inside, try to respond with a calm voice and reassuring body language. You can always process your own emotions later with another trusted adult or professional

Listen More Than You Talk

• Allow your child to tell you what they want to share

• Listen carefully

• Avoid interrupting or finishing their sentences

• Silence is okay

Use Open-Ended Questions

If you need clarification, keep questions simple.

Examples include:

• "Can you tell me more?"

• "What happened next?"

• "Is there anything else you'd like me to know?"

These questions encourage children to speak in their own words.

Tell Your Child They Are Safe

Children often worry the abuse will happen again. Simple reassurance helps.

Examples include:

• "You're safe now."

• "I'm here with you."

• "We're going to get help."

Keep Daily Routines

As much as possible, continue familiar routines. School, meals, bedtime, sports, and family traditions help children regain a sense of stability and predictability.

Respect Your Child's Pace

• Some children want to talk often

• Others rarely mention what happened

• Both responses can be normal

• Let your child know you are always available without pressuring them to talk

Seek Trauma-Informed Support

• Healing does not happen overnight

• Trauma-informed counselling can help children and families understand their reactions, strengthen coping skills, and support recovery

• Parents often benefit from counselling too

Take Care of Yourself

• Supporting a child through trauma is emotionally demanding

• Eat, sleep, accept help

• Talk with a trusted friend, counsellor, or support group

• Looking after yourself helps you remain emotionally available for your child

DON'T...

Don't Question Your Child Repeatedly

• It is natural to want every detail

• However, repeatedly asking questions may increase your child's stress and can unintentionally affect later interviews

• Let trained professionals gather detailed information

Don't Promise to Keep It Secret

Children often ask adults not to tell anyone.

Instead, say:

"I may need to tell some people whose job is to help keep children safe, but I'll tell only the people who need to know."

Don't Blame Your Child

Never ask questions such as:

• "Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

• "Why didn't you say no?"

• "Why did you go there?"

Children are never responsible for the abuse.

Responsibility always belongs to the person who chose to abuse them.

Don't Minimize What Happened

Avoid saying:

• "It wasn't that bad."

• "Try not to think about it."

• "At least..."

Even well-intentioned comments can make children feel misunderstood or dismissed.

Don't Make Promises You Can't Keep

Avoid saying:

• "Everything will be okay."

• "I'll make sure they go to jail."

• "Nothing will ever happen again."

Instead, focus on what you know:

• "I'm going to stay with you."

• "We'll get through this together."

Don't Confront the Alleged Offender

Unless advised by police or child protection professionals, avoid confronting the person yourself. Doing so could interfere with an investigation, place your family at risk, or give the individual an opportunity to influence witnesses or destroy evidence.

Don't Speak Negatively About Your Child

Children often overhear conversations. Avoid discussing your child's behaviour, credibility, or emotions where they might hear. Choose supportive language instead.

Don't Force Physical Affection

Even loving touch may feel overwhelming after abuse. Offer hugs or comfort, but respect your child's answer if they decline. Giving children choices helps rebuild their sense of control.

Don't Expect Healing to Follow a Straight Line

Children often have good days and difficult days. Progress may seem to move forward and backward. This is normal. Healing takes time.

Remember

Your child does not need a perfect parent. They need a safe one. They need someone who listens without judgment, believes them without hesitation, protects them without question, and walks beside them through the healing process. Your steady presence, your willingness to learn, and your unconditional love are among the greatest gifts you can offer.

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