the resource project

Do I Really Need to Report This?

Sometimes the answer feels obvious. Sometimes it doesn't.

You may be thinking:

• I'm not even sure what happened.

• I don't have proof.

• It happened a while ago and my child is safe now.

• It was another child. I don't want to get them in trouble.

• It was someone in our family. Can't we handle this privately?

• My child is begging me not to tell.

• What if I'm wrong?

These are understandable questions. Reporting can feel like a very big step, particularly when you don't know what will happen after you make the call.

You don't need to have everything figured out before asking for help.

First: Reporting Is Not the Same as Proving

If your child tells you something concerning, your job is not to investigate what happened.

You do not need to collect evidence, determine whether a crime occurred or decide whether someone is guilty. In fact, repeatedly questioning a child in an attempt to establish exactly what happened is generally not helpful. Listen to what your child chooses to tell you, reassure them, write down what was said as accurately as you can, and allow trained professionals to determine what information they need.

You can report a concern while being completely honest about what you don't know.

“This is what my child told me. This is what I observed. I don't know exactly what happened, but I'm concerned.”

“I'm Not Sure What Happened.”

Children do not always disclose sexual abuse in a clear, chronological story. A child might disclose only a small piece of what happened. They may use unexpected words, change the subject, minimize the experience or reveal more information over time. You don't have to decide whether what your child has told you “counts” as abuse before seeking guidance.

If you have reasonable grounds to suspect that a child may be in need of protection, Ontario law requires that concern to be reported directly to a Children's Aid Society.

Reasonable suspicion is not the same thing as proof.

“But I Don't Have Proof.”

You are not expected to. You do not need photographs, messages, witnesses, medical findings or a complete disclosure before raising a child-protection concern. 

Tell the truth about what you know — and what you don't.

There is no need to make the situation sound more certain or more serious than it is.

Your role is to share the concern. Determining what happened and what response is required belongs to the appropriate professionals.

“It Happened, But My Child Will Never See That Person Again.”

This is an important distinction. If you have already removed the person from your child's life, you may reasonably wonder:

If my child is safe now, am I still legally required to report what happened?

In Ontario, the legal duty to report to Children's Aid is based on whether there are reasonable grounds to suspect that a child is or may be in need of protection under the Child, Youth and Family Services Act.

The Act specifically addresses sexual abuse by a person having charge of a child, as well as abuse by another person where the person responsible for the child knows or should know of the possibility of the abuse and fails to protect the child.

That means the legal question can depend on the circumstances. It is not always as simple as:

“Sexual abuse happened, therefore every situation must automatically be reported to CAS.”

But removing the person from your child's life doesn't necessarily mean there are no remaining safety concerns. That person may have access to other children — through another family, a workplace, school, sports team, faith community, childcare setting or elsewhere.

The Canadian Centre for Child Protection recommends reporting past sexual abuse even when it is no longer occurring because other children may remain at risk. If you're unsure whether the legal duty to report applies to your particular circumstances, you can contact Children's Aid and tell them exactly that:

“Something happened to my child. They no longer have contact with this person and I have taken steps to keep them safe. I'm not sure whether this is something I am legally required to report, and I'd like guidance.”

You don't have to solve the legal question by yourself.

“It Was Another Child. I Don't Want to Get Them in Trouble.”

This can be particularly difficult. It may help to remember that safety and punishment are not the same thing.

Children can engage in sexual behaviours for many different reasons. Some sexual exploration between children can be developmentally expected, while other behaviours may be problematic, harmful, coercive or abusive.

Ontario's Child and Parent Resource Institute cautions against both minimizing and overreacting to problematic sexual behaviour. It recommends separating the children, ensuring everyone's safety, listening without blame and seeking professional support when behaviour is concerning.

A child who has caused sexual harm may need assessment, supervision, treatment and support themselves.

You do not have to label that child. You also don't have to minimize what happened to your own child in order to have compassion for them.

Both children can matter.

“It Was Someone in Our Family. Can't We Handle This Privately?”

This is one of the most painful situations families face.

You may immediately see everything that could change:

• What will happen to our family?

• What about their spouse or children?

• Will everyone take sides?

• What if my child regrets telling me?

• What if reporting destroys the family?

Those concerns are real. You don't need to pretend they aren't but decisions about child sexual abuse cannot be based only on preserving relationships between adults. There may also be children or risks that you don't know about. The Canadian Centre for Child Protection recommends reporting suspected sexual abuse involving a family member to child welfare and/or law enforcement.

You don't have to decide today what your relationship with this person will look like forever.

Right now, you can focus on what keeps children safe.

“My Child Doesn't Want Me to Tell Anyone.”

Your child may be terrified of what will happen if someone finds out.

They may love the person who harmed them.

They may worry that person will go to jail.

They may fear breaking up the family.

They may worry that everyone will know.

Or they may simply desperately want life to go back to normal.

Try not to promise that you will keep the disclosure secret.

Instead, you can give your child something you can promise:

“I will be careful about who I tell. I won't tell people who don't need to know. But there are some adults whose job is to help keep children safe. You haven't done anything wrong, and whatever happens next is not your fault.”

“What If I'm Wrong?”

Then tell them you're unsure. Making a report or asking for guidance is not the same as declaring that someone committed sexual abuse.

You can say:

“I may be misunderstanding what my child is telling me, but I'm concerned enough that I thought I should call.”

You don't need to fill in missing pieces. You don't need to make assumptions. And you don't need to investigate before reaching out.

“What If Reporting Makes Everything Worse?”

This fear deserves an honest answer. Reporting can begin a process you weren't expecting. Police or Children's Aid involvement can feel frightening. There may be interviews, difficult conversations, uncertainty and changes within your family. It is okay to wish none of this were happening.

What your child needs most from you right now isn't perfection. They need to know that you believe them, that their safety matters and that the adults around them will take responsibility for figuring out what needs to happen next.

Canadian research examining non-offending caregivers in child sexual abuse investigations has found that most caregivers responded with belief, emotional support and protection. Supportive caregiver responses are an important part of the environment surrounding a child following disclosure.

CAS or Police? They Aren't the Same Thing.

Parents understandably use “reporting” as though it describes one process. It doesn't.

Children's Aid is concerned with child protection and safety.

Police investigate whether a criminal offence may have occurred.

Sometimes both become involved. Sometimes the circumstances are different.

If you don't know where your situation belongs, you don't need to work that out before asking for help. Tell the professional you contact what happened, what you know, what you don't know, what you've already done to protect your child and whether you believe anyone else may be at risk.

If there is an immediate safety concern, contact police/911.

If You Are Still Unsure

You don't have to decide whether you can prove abuse.

You don't have to investigate your child.

You don't have to know whether someone should be charged.

You don't have to know what Children's Aid will do.

You don't have to know how your family will manage everything that comes next.

You can simply start with what you know.

“This is what my child told me. This is what concerns me. This is what I've done to keep them safe. I don't know what I'm supposed to do next.”

That is a reasonable place to begin.

A Note About Ontario's Duty to Report

Ontario's Child, Youth and Family Services Act requires a person who has reasonable grounds to suspect that a child is or may be in need of protection to immediately report the suspicion and the information on which it is based directly to a Children's Aid Society.

The circumstances matter. Different provisions also apply to young people aged 16 and 17.

If you're uncertain whether the duty to report applies to your situation, contact a Children's Aid Society or obtain legal advice rather than trying to make that determination alone.

You are allowed to ask questions. You are allowed to be uncertain. And you can protect your child while you figure out the next step.

Remember:  If you’re unsure whether you need to report, call Children’s Aid and ask.