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the resource project

Helpful and Unhelpful Coping Strategies

Helpful Coping Strategies That Can Support Healing

Children cope in many different ways. When they are ready, these kinds of responses can help them process what happened, feel safe and reconnect with everyday life.

• Talking, when they are ready — sharing thoughts or feelings with a trusted adult, talking about what happened, or expressing confusion.

• Expressing emotions — crying, feeling angry, sad, afraid or embarrassed, and having emotional ups and downs.

• Seeking safety and comfort — wanting more closeness with caregivers, asking for reassurance, or spending more time with people who feel safe.

• Continuing everyday activities, with support — going to school, seeing friends, playing, participating in hobbies or returning to familiar routines.

• Asking questions — “Why did this happen?” “Will I be okay?” “What happens now?”

• Processing things gradually — talking about pieces of the experience at different times, returning to the subject later, or needing space between conversations.

There is no single “right” way for a child to cope. Some children will want to talk; others may not. The goal is not to push a particular response, but to provide safety, support and opportunities for your child to process things in their own way and at their own pace.

Coping Strategies That May Interfere With Healing

These responses may signal distress and can interfere with healing if they persist without support.

Avoidance or Emotional Shutdown- Refusing to talk at all (beyond initial stages), Acting “numb” or detached, Avoiding reminders at all costs, Use of drugs and/or alcohol

Self-Blame or Guilt- “It was my fault”, “I should have stopped it”, Excessive shame or responsibility

Repetitive Trauma Play or Re-enactment (Younger Children)- Acting out abusive scenarios in play repeatedly, Drawing or storytelling that is overly focused on trauma content

Risk-Taking or Acting Out Behaviours- Aggression or defiance, Sexualized behaviour that is not age-appropriate, Breaking rules or unsafe behaviours

Withdrawal and Isolation- Pulling away from friends and family, Losing interest in previously enjoyed activities, Spending excessive time alone

Emotional Overwhelm That Does Not Stabilize- Frequent intense panic or distress, Difficulty calming even with support, Ongoing sleep or appetite disruption, Self-harm, Suicidal talk

Please note:

Even “unhelpful” coping responses are often understandable survival strategies. They are not signs that a child is “behaving badly” or “not coping properly.”  Instead, they often mean:

• The child feels unsafe

• The trauma is still highly active emotionally

• The child needs additional support and regulation tools

And it is always helpful to seek professional support such as therapy for you and your child.

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