The Ironwood Project
the resource project

Supporting Your Child At Different Ages


Children's understanding of sexual abuse and their emotional responses often change as they grow. It is common for new questions, feelings, or challenges to emerge at different stages of development. This does not mean your child is "getting worse"—it is a normal part of processing trauma over time.

The following guidance reflects trauma-informed recommendations commonly used by child advocacy centres and child protection services across Ontario and Canada.


Preschool Children (Ages 3–5)

Young children may not fully understand what happened but often communicate through their behaviour rather than words.

Your child may:

  • Become more clingy or fearful

  • Have sleep difficulties or nightmares

  • Show toileting regression

  • Display increased tantrums or separation anxiety


How you can help:

  • Maintain predictable daily routines.

  • Offer frequent reassurance that they are safe.

  • Use simple, age-appropriate language when answering questions.

  • Encourage play, drawing, and other forms of emotional expression.

  • Reinforce body safety and personal boundaries in everyday conversations.


School-Age Children (Ages 6–12)

Children begin to better understand what happened and may experience a wider range of emotions.

Your child may:

  • Feel guilty or responsible

  • Become anxious or withdrawn

  • Experience changes in friendships or school performance

  • Have physical complaints such as headaches or stomach aches


How you can help:

  • Continue to believe and validate their feelings.

  • Encourage questions and answer honestly using age-appropriate language.

  • Maintain routines at home and school whenever possible.

  • Support healthy coping skills such as physical activity, creative outlets, and relaxation strategies.

  • Work collaboratively with therapists and school staff when appropriate.


Adolescents (Ages 13–18)

Teenagers often revisit the abuse with a more mature understanding, which can bring new emotions and questions.

Your teen may:

  • Experience depression or anxiety

  • Become more private or withdrawn

  • Question trust and relationships

  • Struggle with self-esteem or identity

  • Experience anger toward family members or the person who caused harm


How you can help:

  • Respect their growing need for independence while remaining emotionally available.

  • Listen more than you speak.

  • Encourage healthy friendships and supportive relationships.

  • Discuss healthy relationships, consent, and personal boundaries.

  • Continue professional support, even if they appear to be coping well.


As Your Child Grows

Healing is not a straight line. Your child may revisit the abuse during important life stages such as:

  • Starting middle school or high school

  • Beginning dating relationships

  • Graduating from school

  • Leaving home

  • Becoming a parent themselves


These transitions may bring up new thoughts or feelings about what happened.

Continue to:

  • Let your child know they can always talk to you.

  • Reassure them that what happened was never their fault.

  • Support access to counselling if new concerns arise.

  • Celebrate their strengths, resilience, and accomplishments.


Remember. Children heal best when they have at least one trusted adult who consistently believes them, keeps them safe, and responds with patience and compassion. Your support may look different as your child grows, but your steady presence remains one of the most important factors in their recovery.



This information reflects current trauma-informed guidance from the Ontario child advocacy centres, the Canadian Centre for Child Protection, BOOST Child & Youth Advocacy Centre, the National Child Traumatic Stress Network, the Ontario Association of Children's Aid Societies, the Canadian Paediatric Society, and peer-reviewed research on child development and recovery following childhood sexual abuse.


The following organizations and publications were referenced in the preparation of this information.

Canadian Centre for Child Protection. (n.d.). Resources for Parents and Caregivers.
https://www.protectchildren.ca

BOOST Child & Youth Advocacy Centre. (n.d.). Resources for Families Following Child Sexual Abuse Disclosure.
https://boostforkids.org

Ontario Association of Children's Aid Societies (OACAS). (n.d.). Supporting Children and Youth.
https://www.oacas.org

Government of Ontario. (n.d.). Reporting Child Abuse and Neglect.
https://www.ontario.ca/page/report-child-abuse-and-neglect

National Child Traumatic Stress Network (NCTSN). (n.d.). Caring for Kids: What Parents Need to Know About Sexual Abuse.
https://www.nctsn.org

National Child Traumatic Stress Network (NCTSN). (n.d.). Understanding Child Traumatic Stress.
https://www.nctsn.org/what-is-child-trauma

Child Welfare Information Gateway. (2018). Parenting a Child Who Has Experienced Trauma.
https://www.childwelfare.gov

Canadian Paediatric Society. (2020). The Medical Evaluation of Pre-Pubertal Children with Suspected Sexual Abuse.
https://cps.ca

Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA). (2014). SAMHSA's Concept of Trauma and Guidance for a Trauma-Informed Approach.
https://store.samhsa.gov/product/SAMHSA-s-Concept-of-Trauma-and-Guidance-for-a-Trauma-Informed-Approach/SMA14-4884


Afifi, T. O., MacMillan, H. L., Boyle, M., Taillieu, T., Cheung, K., & Sareen, J. (2014). Child abuse and mental disorders in Canada. Canadian Medical Association Journal.
https://www.cmaj.ca


Hébert, M., Blais, M., & Lavoie, F. (2024). Childhood Sexual Abuse and Delayed Disclosure: A Population-Based Study of Youth in Quebec. Université du Québec à Montréal.


Kendall-Tackett, K. A., Williams, L. M., & Finkelhor, D. (1993). Impact of Sexual Abuse on Children: A Review and Synthesis of Recent Empirical Studies. Psychological Bulletin.


Maniglio, R. (2009). The Impact of Child Sexual Abuse on Health: A Systematic Review of Reviews. Clinical Psychology Review.