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Supporting your child at different ages

Children's understanding of sexual abuse and their emotional responses often change as they grow. It is common for new questions, feelings, or challenges to emerge at different stages of development. This does not necessarily mean your child is “getting worse.” New questions, feelings, or challenges can emerge as children grow and understand what happened in different ways.

The following guidance reflects trauma-informed child-development recommendations used in supporting children and youth after sexual abuse.

Preschool children (Ages 3–5)

Young children may not fully understand what happened but often communicate through their behaviour rather than words.

Your child may:

• Become more clingy or fearful

• Have sleep difficulties or nightmares

• Show toileting regression

• Display increased tantrums or separation anxiety

How you can help:

• Maintain predictable daily routines

• Offer frequent reassurance that you are there to help keep them safe

• Use simple, age-appropriate language when answering questions

• Encourage play, drawing, and other forms of emotional expression

• Reinforce body safety and personal boundaries in everyday conversations

School-age children (Ages 6–12)

Children begin to better understand what happened and may experience a wider range of emotions.

Your child may:

• Feel guilty or responsible

• Become anxious or withdrawn

• Experience changes in friendships or school performance

• Have physical complaints such as headaches or stomach aches

How you can help:

• Continue to believe and validate their feelings

• Encourage questions and answer honestly using age-appropriate language

• Maintain routines at home and school whenever possible

• Support healthy coping skills such as physical activity, creative outlets, and relaxation strategies

• Work collaboratively with therapists and school staff when appropriate

Adolescents (Ages 13–18)

Teenagers often revisit the abuse with a more mature understanding, which can bring new emotions and questions.

Your teen may:

• Experience depression or anxiety

• Become more private or withdrawn

• Question trust and relationships

• Struggle with self-esteem or identity

• Experience anger toward family members or the person who caused harm

How you can help:

• Respect their growing need for independence while remaining emotionally available

• Listen more than you speak

• Encourage healthy friendships and supportive relationships

• Discuss healthy relationships, consent, and personal boundaries

• Keep the door open to professional support if new concerns arise or your teen wants additional help

As your child grows

Healing is not a straight line. Your child may revisit the abuse during important life stages such as:

• Starting middle school or high school

• Beginning dating relationships

• Graduating from school

• Leaving home

• Becoming a parent themselves

These transitions may bring up new thoughts or feelings about what happened.

Continue to:

• Let your child know they can always talk to you.

• Reassure them that what happened was never their fault.

• Support access to counselling if new concerns arise.

• Celebrate their strengths, resilience, and accomplishments.

Remember: A trusted adult who consistently believes a child, helps keep them safe, and responds with patience and compassion can be an important source of support in recovery. Your support may look different as your child grows, but your steady presence can continue to provide safety and reassurance.

Page Sources | All References

for additional READING AND LISTENING:

• Safeguarding Your Child — Canadian Centre for Child Protection
Written for parents and guardians whose child was or may have been sexually abused, it specifically addresses issues that can emerge as a child gets older, including development, boundaries, supervision, online safety and age-appropriate versus concerning sexual behaviours.
Read Safeguarding Your Child

• Trauma Education Modules — Canadian Centre for Child Protection
A video series for young people and their families that explains trauma and provides strategies for coping with its effects. 
Watch the Trauma Education Modules

• Supporting Your Child When They Have Been Sexually Victimized — Canadian Centre for Child Protection
A practical parent/caregiver resource focused on helping a child restore a sense of safety following sexual victimization. 
Explore Resources for Families

• Sexual Development and Behavior in Children: Information for Parents and Caregivers — National Child Traumatic Stress Network
A useful developmental companion for parents of younger and school-aged children. It explains typical sexual development and behaviours, how parents can respond, and what children can be taught at different developmental ages. Note: NCTSN is U.S.-based, but this resource concerns child development rather than U.S.-specific law or reporting requirements.
Read Sexual Development and Behavior in Children